Justine Musk, writer and ex-wife of tech mogul Elon Musk – the richest person in the world – recently offered a rare and insightful perspective on the personal philosophy that shaped one of the most ambitious entrepreneurs of our time. As the mother of Elon’s five children and someone who shared years of her life with him, Justine had a unique vantage point on the mindset behind the success of Tesla, SpaceX, and Neuralink.
In a TEDx talk she gave in 2014, Justine opened up about a key lesson she observed during their marriage – one that isn’t just about ambition but about boundaries, focus, and the courage to say “no.”
“I was married, I was married–” she emphasized, drawing attention to the past tense – “to a man who became extremely successful. And as I watched him rise, I noticed two things. He worked very hard, much harder than your average bear. And he said no a lot.”
Justine elaborated on the importance of Elon’s ability to say “no,” which she viewed as a fundamental aspect of his success. “He said no to people who wanted his time, attention, and energy,” she explained. “He said no in a way that protected his resources so that he could channel them toward his own goals.” This realization helped Justine understand that every “no” was not just a rejection, but a deeper commitment to saying “yes” to his own aspirations. “Behind every no is a deeper ‘yes’ to whatever it is that you do want,” she said, emphasizing the transformative power of boundaries in directing one’s energy toward meaningful goals.
For Justine, this lesson reshaped her understanding of boundaries, priorities, and self-worth. “Your deep yes is your right to dream,” she added, underscoring the idea that setting limits is not a denial of possibility but a powerful affirmation of what truly matters.
Reflecting on her own experiences, Justine pointed out that the ability to say “no” is something we learn early in life. Her children, for instance, assert their power by saying “no.” However, as we grow older, external voices often discourage this instinct. “Somewhere between the ages of eight and 13, I lost my deep, instinctive no,” Justine admitted, recalling how society’s criticism of her for being “too much” caused her to question herself. But she also noted that such criticism can be an indicator of one’s greatest strengths, helping to identify areas where people are uniquely impactful.
As both a writer and a mother, Justine emphasized that saying “no” isn’t just about asserting power. It’s about embracing clarity and intention. “No is like a bright line that, when used properly, marks off where you end and others begin,” she explained, highlighting the importance of self-definition and self-respect in achieving success.
Her insights resonate not only because they reflect Elon Musk’s remarkable rise but because they speak to a broader truth about success. It’s not merely about saying “yes” to opportunities but having the wisdom and courage to say “no” to distractions. This sentiment is echoed by other notable figures like Steve Jobs, who famously said, “Focus is about saying no, and you have to say no. The result of that focus is going to be some really great products where the total is much greater than the sum of the parts.”
Justine Musk’s reflections offer a valuable reminder: in a world brimming with demands and opportunities, the power of “no” is not about refusal, but about commitment. By setting clear boundaries and focusing on what truly matters, individuals can shape their own path to success. For Justine, observing this principle in action gave her a newfound appreciation for the art of saying “no” – a lesson she believes is essential for creating the life one truly desires.
